i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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