and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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