Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
