I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
