If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize