i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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