it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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