so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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