Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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