Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
