"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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