I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
