at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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