you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
