We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have tasted many bathrooms
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
