I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can you bring me the toilet please
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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