so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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