I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
