some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it because I queefed?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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