Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
