How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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