He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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