From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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