I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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