tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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