I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
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