i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
