Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
