i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
