thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
