New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
