i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If I die, sorry about rent.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
