could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
