So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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