my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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