He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
