i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you had me at cake vodka
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
