Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
