tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We have started to decorate penises.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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