Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
