Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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