I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
