and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize