i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
