Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
