Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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