I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize