Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
