i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
