around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
