they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
