think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
