My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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