Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize