Only a mothe r could love this liver
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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