Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
