So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
