I cannot find my penis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
