Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize