? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
farters have to be the big spoon...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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