Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
