Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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