did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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