Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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