I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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