My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
