Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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