my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
