Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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