I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
