He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
