Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
is it fun? or sober?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
