he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Holy shit dude........stairs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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