Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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