Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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