just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
