I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
