I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Randomize
