he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
