I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
