So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
