Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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