honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
