seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
