There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
