I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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