She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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