I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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