No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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