I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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