You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
