I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
