yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
