I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
