Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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