i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
