I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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