I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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