am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
