In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
