New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
