every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize