Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You were trust falling into bushes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
