After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
