Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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