Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
