And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
