I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
