I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
