Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
